Experiencing 41 days of plainness
As part of the deeksha process, I was not allowed to cut hair, cut nails, wear ornaments, wear footwear etc. - which basically means giving less attention to your body.
And also, I was not allowed to put my mind in unnecessary things like entertainment, gossip etc. - which basically means to not feed your mind with unwanted things.
In our daily life, we give too much time and energy to the desires of our body and mind which leaves us with no time and energy to discover anything else. Only when you ignore these, you’ll be able to see what is beyond.
When I am in the deeksha, I am called a swamy and I call everyone else a swamy - which means you are asked to leave the temporary identity given to your body/mind by means of name, profession, nationality, character etc.
When I was on the sabarimala hill, standing in the queue on a slope, I slightly lifted my feet to see around - thousands of people all wearing black, uncut hair and beard, all carrying a bag of offerings on their head, everyone looking tired and waiting in anticipation to reach the temple. There could be a doctor in that group, a celebrity in that group, a beggar in that group - but there is absolutely no way for me to find a difference between one person and the other. Realization hit me hard like a big slap on the face - that you are one among a lot of no-different-than-you people all around having similar ambitions and struggles. You are no less or more than them.
After all of these efforts, when I finally reached the temple, I saw these words written at the entrance Tat Tvam Asi which means You are that. I imagine it as Lord Ayyappa laughing at me and saying - you fool, why are you taking all these efforts and hardships to come meet me. What you are looking to discover is inside you. You have to go through these hardships of the journey only until you realize that fact.
Once you realize that you and Lord Ayyappa are the same, you don’t need to make that journey ever again - which means in your daily life once you realize that you are god, you don’t need to go anywhere in search of unlimited happiness.